Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Twilight Saga & Good (Adjusted) Vampires

I never got into the whole Twilight craze, though I'd always been mesmerized by vampires.  My first introduction was "Interview with the Vampire" where I was immediately intrigued and envious of the eternity of life, survival, the beauty and youth. Though I pitied her static state of childhood, i certainly would not be without chagrin were I forever 18. It wasn't until my boredom got the best of me that I allowed any curiosity toward the newest vampire madness - Twilight.

I sat entraced by the power of him, the protection. When the movie was over, without hesitation, I began it anew. I watched, dreamt, and longed for someone so human. I didn't much appreciate the acting, but I cannot deny falling in love with the characters. I thank my maturity for that as I would be ashamed of myself if I ever behaved and reacted to the actors as those girls watching in innocence and naivete.

Still, though I wanted to remain in that mythical world of monsters and magic, I was bereft of any desire to read it. Years of disinterest on my side, I imagined little enjoyment in forcing excess processing for little potential gain. I was correct, for the most part. It was not until i made the maddening mistake to watch its sequel, New Moon, in theatres that I resolved to read such a saga. It was not so much that I was convinced by the obnoxious teens screaming, crooning, interruptions during the movie at any presence of Edward and, mostly it seemed, Jake. No. It was the movie's unresolved ending that made me thirst for a conclusion.

I am the type to lose sleep over mystery, what could have been, what would have been... My utter dissaitsfaction of the ending compelled me to read the entire saga; once I had granted myself absolution for the end of New Moon, it was not enough. Like Bella, even waiting another six months would be far out of the question.

I let their world drown me from my own and noticed how closely the movies came to the book. Only slightly more character insight and a somewhat altered portrayal, but I was satisfied

Thursday, November 19, 2009


There are many things a person must accept. Some are much harder than others, still more a very few ache endlessly and confuse tremendously. Once you accept you can't make someone happy, maybe you can at least try to make yourself happy... or at least not bleed.

Help me stop thinking! I'm trembling with it.. . ...

My novel begins as if it were the saddest girl on Earth, but we know there are worse abuses.  Why, then, does she tremble with each breath?


:: Sent by Droid Mobile ::

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Losing Control & Setting Aside Pride

I am really entranced by Lady Antebellum's newest song "Need You Now,"  To be honest, I didn't like it at first.  I listened to the melody and found it not so very special.  After hearing more of the lyrics and understanding the words along with the harmonizing of the roles, I began to feel the song and the experience became so much more vivid\ having successfully awakened my own memories.

Most of us have experienced broken hearts, but if you haven't.. well, watch out.  Ha.  I am one of those jaded people that would rather not have an experience then have it rot on me... but you should stay optimistic.  It's better for you.  lLolL.  Anyway, for the weak-hearted person a broken heart yields little self control, lots of brooding, and emotional drainage.  So in the last stand against lonesomeness, what little parts of ourselves are left shattered.. . .. .  We fall and break, we toss aside our precious pride and make that call that we hope will make things better...  In reality, it doesn't.  But in the song, well... haha.. it doesn't either, but then serendipity later shows it was truly their fate to meet again.

I'm not so lucky, not that I'm asking for anything just...  In general, yours truly is a can of worms (albeit the tastiest darned can of worms you could ever dream of).  If you believe in fate and destiny, then you understand how frustrated and helpless I feel at times.  I know I should try to accept things as inevitable, but I can't.  My mind can reason it out like the most logically sane person in existence, but my heart speaks a language of its own so much more powerful and transcendent than any brain circuits of mine are capable of comprehending.

You know how some people can "get over" a situation and move on, learning or not learning from it but mainly, not letting it occupy their thoughts any longer?  Why am I so incapable!?  I have accepted things, the past, histories, sure, but it's like a burn scar that still hurts long after it's healed, still turns red hot and aches like the coldest winter on your bones.

I'm so melodramatic. I can't imagine myself any other way.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Injustice Surrounds Us - A Sociological Look

I really started to read my sociology textbook and find that I quite enjoy it though it is most unsettling.  Right now I am reading about crimes and how deviant behavior, though very subjective and relative, is defined within our society and punished in ways that put up a facade of fairness but often lack much common sense in judgment.  While I understand that it is a tough line to draw between what is a major offense and what is minor, the current definitions are clearly unsatisfactory.

For instance, who is one to say that the crimes of a poor man stealing a pizza any worse than the crimes of a white-collar worker toying with stock prices that cause the decline of companies and the loss of thousands of jobs?  While the pizza stealer was sentenced to 25 years in prison (qtd. in Henslin 160, from Cloud 1998 study "For Better or Worse"), most corporate offenders receive only token fines to pay.  In addition, legislatures further enacted the "three strikes and you're out" law which states if an offender receives three strikes, s/he receives an automatic mandatory sentence.  There were no clauses, however, that limited this judgment to violent crimes.  Instead, unanticipated consequences resulted from what I see as an unjust (in that it really lacks common sense) law: a Tiger Woods impersonator was sentenced to 200 years in prison (Reuters 2001) just to he could go on a $17,000 shopping spree; a thief of nine videotapes received a 50 year sentence with parole (Greenhouse 2003); a 25 year-old was given 55 years in prison for selling small bags of marijuana (Madigan 2004).

Laws are created to protect us, guide us and prevent us from hurting others and yet how can we so unjustly judge one group over another simply due to their social class?  Why does the white-collar fraudulent embezzler pay just a fine that makes no dent on his wallet while the poor man stealing pizza from hunger get a prison sentence?  Recidivism is too high and our laws, practices, and prejudices aren't helping.  Greenland has it right when their goal is to try to integrate offenders back into society in a productive manner.  It is a vicious cycle that these inmates have to endure as most try to do what they can to get by, sadly having to resort to illegitimate means, which then puts them back behind bars and further prevents them from evading their fate because we do little to teach them to earn their way legitimately and discourage them further through discrimination.

Maybe I should get into sociological work...


Cyanide & Happiness 11/06/09

ROFL - "Kung flu"

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Most Disturbing Dream

I had an unsettling dream last night. Unrelated, I finally saw Joe on Saturday. He looks amazing better than my wildest imagination had me believe. His handsome face is unscathed and I am very glad for it though would be more ecstatic could he talk and look at me. I met his father, a great man, and finally heard the real story. My dearest Joejie was hit by a drunk driver from out of state early that Saturday afternoon two weeks ago. Bastard. I think he remains in jail but that type of person is irresponsible and doubtless has any insurance. What a jerk. Poor Joe! We were just talking Friday night, had a beer at BJ's. We talked about him keeping his bike. Ironic. I met his girl though under solemn circumstances. I told Joe ha! Now I've met her and you can't hide her anymore. Hm... I really want him to just be cognizant, look at us, blink YES I UNDERSTAND! But I have patience and faith.
He is Big Joe and he will return. Miss you, you're always in my heart!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Should've stayed home tonight. I'm

Should've stayed home tonight. I'm feelin' a bit o' the blues...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My First Public Attempt at Singing Solo

Okay, so please don't laugh too hard and don't pity me either.  I already pity myself enough!  I am laughing in the saddest way possible.  lLolL

Yours truly!


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

IMO - Michael Jackson's This Is It

Joe opened his eyes last

Joe opened his eyes last night! I'm so happy! And so very relieved!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Life is Ashy but Full of Song

I hope you are doing wonderfully.  I apologize I have been remiss in posting, but life has been somewhat hectic, ashy, and... I am feeling the weight upon my lids.

My friend is still not awake, though they have taken him off the sleeping medicine (what his family called the "Michael Jackson Juice").  His body is weak, but he is a big strong man so I have much faith he will wake up from dreams soon.  At the same time, I am frightened because I may be too realistic and now too well the circle of life...  I have lost one dear person to me each year for two years now.  The older I get the more I hate Death and his selfish ways, that rat bastard.  Ugh.

I think about Joe a lot, most of the songs I listen to I just want to sing well so I can sing it to him when I visit him and he's asleep.  But I suck at singing so I don't know what to do for him when I do go...  It's like I'm finding reasons to postpone the visit - I'm afraid I'll break down and cry.  I cry before anything bad (or worse) happens and that doesn't help.  I'm a little glass ornament that's teetering on the edge of the tree, about to be eaten by the short child that eats glass thinking it's an acorn.

I will find the strength to go soon.  I have been thinking of him most hours of the day and night.  Today is a lucky day to pray, a good day, so I try to pray.  I asked for help because I'm not very adept at it.  I've got two religions on this one so far and I hope I've got one right.  The two songs that I sing constantly that remind me of Joe are "Stop Me" by Marie Digby and "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne.

"... Tonight, I am waiting for you to call me when you're not supposed to.  I've been trying to send you signs.  The doors to me are hard to find so stop me, stop me this time..."

Always thinking of you, Joe...


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