Monday, November 2, 2009

Life is Ashy but Full of Song

I hope you are doing wonderfully.  I apologize I have been remiss in posting, but life has been somewhat hectic, ashy, and... I am feeling the weight upon my lids.

My friend is still not awake, though they have taken him off the sleeping medicine (what his family called the "Michael Jackson Juice").  His body is weak, but he is a big strong man so I have much faith he will wake up from dreams soon.  At the same time, I am frightened because I may be too realistic and now too well the circle of life...  I have lost one dear person to me each year for two years now.  The older I get the more I hate Death and his selfish ways, that rat bastard.  Ugh.

I think about Joe a lot, most of the songs I listen to I just want to sing well so I can sing it to him when I visit him and he's asleep.  But I suck at singing so I don't know what to do for him when I do go...  It's like I'm finding reasons to postpone the visit - I'm afraid I'll break down and cry.  I cry before anything bad (or worse) happens and that doesn't help.  I'm a little glass ornament that's teetering on the edge of the tree, about to be eaten by the short child that eats glass thinking it's an acorn.

I will find the strength to go soon.  I have been thinking of him most hours of the day and night.  Today is a lucky day to pray, a good day, so I try to pray.  I asked for help because I'm not very adept at it.  I've got two religions on this one so far and I hope I've got one right.  The two songs that I sing constantly that remind me of Joe are "Stop Me" by Marie Digby and "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne.

"... Tonight, I am waiting for you to call me when you're not supposed to.  I've been trying to send you signs.  The doors to me are hard to find so stop me, stop me this time..."

Always thinking of you, Joe...

devyn

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