Friday, October 23, 2009

D's Greyish Bubbles

Please receive my apologies early as I cannot keep this narration as airy and bubblegum as is my usual coloration.

As previously noted, I do  not like people easily but when I do am easily attached.  When this involves males, I have attributed the attachment to what is commonly known as "daddy issues."  If you grew up with one, then you are most fortunate and if, like me, that figure was missing then perhaps you are better able to see my standpoint.  This is not to say that I cling or need constant attention; rather that I need the comfort of stability and reliability, neither of which I have known me well.

[Tangent: I just went on a break and my friend has been talking about scary movies and ghost stories all day.  I am frightened my bamboozled off.  He used to live in a haunted house in Louisiana where the man had committed suicide.  His friend would occasionally stay over and see him jolt upright in the middle of sleep and speak in a foreign language eloquently in what sounded like Indian.  The man that maimed himself was Indian.  On another day, he was sitting at home watching tele by himself.  The kitchen drawers started opening and closing.  He said aloud, "I'm not afraid of you.  Do what you want, but don't let me see you."  It ceased.  My friend also has a niece, perhaps seven years of age at the time.  Several times she would point out to him, "There's a man in the garage" and he would keep reassuring her it was nobody.  He couldn't see the man, but he heard the sounds yet she did.  He didn't tell her until years later when she would understand better.  *shivers*tears*  Okay, no more!  I'm scaring myself!!!]

In any case, I have developed a rather unique clam shell that is seemingly hard on the outside but made so delicately it easily shatters; the inside soft and warm but easily poisoned.  I know I should not compare myself to their others but find I cannot stop.  Their beauty and talent should not encumber mine as we are all unique and beautiful in different ways.  Yet, I feel as though my sunlight is being overshadowed, my Casablanca diminishes and wilts as it is overtaken by the Daisy.  Overcrowded and thirsty, the Casablanca wants to break free but alas, she is rooted - entangled deeply in her origins whereby endeavors to pick herself up and find a new niche in hopes of being liberated and finding that sunlight once more risks her very extinction.

devyn

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